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Held
2009.09.02
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This is something i wrote this morning during quiet time:
The calendar keeps showing the same dates as last year yet my life shows something very different. Those memories feel so close I can taste them. They are deep and rich and completely bittersweet. There are moments when I want to keep recreating, and other times I wish they never existed. Why is it that so often the right thing seems unbearable. It feels like my heart can hardly stay together long enough to move in the right direction. So i take it one step at a time. All the while I'm leaning back heavily on you because looking up could slow this journey. You carry me through this pain. You watched me run hard in one direction, like a small child determined that is was what I wanted. You walked with me as I hit the ground harder than ever before, and you sat next to me, rubbing my back as I scrambled. As I leaned torwards you and asked for the right way, I let go of the only thing I was still holding tightly. And now I lay limp in your arms in complete submission to where you will take me next. Because no matter how warm or cold it becomes, no matter how tight of loose you hold me, I am being held my my father. Completely and totally held.
